Bizarre Love

Here I am, talking about her, no. Not her, the other her, the one that in my past. Silly isn't it? To remember after so many years. Here I was, being random, but it was more about thinking about her. I can't stop thinking about it, about her, argh, it was silly. It is silly. Its painfully funny, hurtfully funny, but even though how many times I think about it, how many times I twirl my mind about it. Its about how much pain it is. I feel that this is my due, my payment for my sins and transgressions. But at the end, did I regret it? I did not. It would have been a greater regret if I didn't. My inaction would have been a greater regret.

I don't know, its just really annoying and at the same time curiously interesting. Like in the movies, what if I made the mistake? What if this was a 6 years mistake in the making? I'm not sure really. What is the right action? What is the right course. I always thought I know the answer, but every time I see her picture, argh I don't know. She's like the magnetic north, in every part of the world, I'd be ok with her, but if I am even near her, my compass goes bonkers and crazy (yup I know its the same, but its like that)

But I know that it already happened. That crossroad has already been passed. I have made my decision, as much as she is enticing to me. I know she's not the one for me. I like her, I am infatuated for her and have loved her. But that's the thing, I have loved her. Its in the past and I am not going to bring her back into my life anymore after I close that door.

Bizarre as it is that I am attracted to her, I got to find away to let her go.

Amnesia

There's got to be a way to forget about you, as I end this day and say "I DO". There's got to be a way to get away from you, this way, I don't have to look behind when I thought it was you. There's got to be a way to forget this feeling. Because its in the past, the past that I am reeling. There's got to be a way lock it all away. Because your memory, is from which I got to get away

Refresher

Ok so its been awhile. But I'm back and I'm back with much things to blog about. Well not really blog just to keep my mind a little bit sharper and less insane than it already is.

For now I will quote something from Dream of the Endless

"Your alive so you must live"

Retribution

You come and go as you please
But you left me hanging as you tease
For all you know is yours and fine
While I must set aside what is mine

You come and go as you like
While my short comings you strike
Each one and each more, you smirk
As you throw more and more dirt

You command and demand than care
And I'm not allowed to argue if I dare
You go now and belittle me
You just see, what you want to see

You just over look on what I have
To pull it down to your level and laugh
Someday I'll build my wall and armor
And you will do as you please no more

2 months

I'm planning for someone special and although it is 2 months from now, I already plan that far ahaed just for her. What I'm planning is to compile a 2 months worth of work starting right now.

"Sleep tight. July 13, 2009"

As you sleep my Love, I dream awake of you, peacefully floating off to the dream world.

July 26

but I see as well the perils we come across and though my heart pounds restless upon our meeting I feel the ache of our arguments and ordeals that we must face. Even a potion of uncertainty from ingredients of a cup of anxiety, a dash of jealousy, a sprinkle of the unknown and pinch of frustration from wanting each other badly.

Beyond Reach

Right now, all I hear is noise, all I can feel is tension and I am is a body full of stress in my eyes it can all be seen and felt but it is me right now. I don't expect anyone who can actually carry my load for it is given to me and to ask another is unfair as far as I'm concerned. But right now I shiver to all of its weight I feel cold right now. I feel alone. So I'm calling out, a little help from those who could give. I can not ask what can not be given so I ask what could be spared to me. I want to share this burden but I'm at a lost on how. It is too heavy, too private, too personal that I can't really be articulate on how to say it but I refuse to become out of reach, it is not too late for me, but I need help and right now I ask anyone who could..

Help me, please....

Direction

For now, Although some things are left unresolved it seems they will be soon and for all that it is worth, it is worthwhile knowing, believing and loving my special someone. Times goes by so fast when your late, in need of more time, and just having fun. But at the same time it goes cruelly in snail pace when your a prisoner of such. I do not have much time for now. Yet I will be able to go to whom I wanted to be. May my guard to one self prove stronger instead of weaker