Tired of being tried

With a heavy burden I take pity on my site, it seems that the only time I post here is to give off as much sadness and sorrow. I'm tired, damn it I'm really tired. I don't want to fight, I don't want to argue I don't want anything to do with fighting and arguing within this hectic world, even within my world, my life. I want to shed tears but I worry and fear that they have dried up and even if they didn't dry up I don't want another one to drop senselessly. I pray and ask for strength but it seems I'm still so fragile, within the twirls of up and down and all emotions. I am a prey of those I ask and trust so blindingly not to hurt me. But where am I right now, where am I, I am in the mercy of her hands that I feel so pathetic because it seems that she has the butterfly effect on me. A little flutter of her wings brings forth the hurricane in me. I don't want it anymore and I don't know if I should already give up and step away. I really don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to quit on her but she seems so keen and so easily ready to quit on me that every month I have to argue why we need to stay together again and again and again until I'm at ends wit. I need help I don't know what I should do. I feel so down I wish I know what I should do, and to have the resolve to do it.

Am I taken for granted? What should I do? A couple of days of nothing but a rain of sweet words " I Love You" and "I miss you" then followed by a tornado of " I hate you, lets break up because I just want it". What the hell should I do about something like this?!

I am lost

Dropping anvils

I breathe easy today as I know of the success that will come at hand, although this would be very short the battle was a long and struggling one. My heart could have shown its scars but I dare not bring about the list, and so:

STATUS REPORT: SUCCESS! CONGRATULATIONS

you can now get your 4 years worth of "paper"

Crushed

As I find myself dying slowly of weariness coming out the clash between two significant entity in my life, slowly I asked, "Why can't you two get along". You my reader, whoever you might be , who stumble upon this. I want you to know this pain I keep. But the pain is more of secret pain like all other closet filled pain within the warehouse of secrets I have, hence me having the burden to carry each and everything in it. Though, someday, it would inevitable come, haunt me down and kill me. I can only do is smile for all of us will die someday.

And no, I am not being pessimistic, in any case it is an optimistic view still to be able to discern something that one might say as gruesome. But back to the story on mine.

Boulders, I say! both of them:

On one side I hold, someone, a special someone I hold so ever dear, so ever loved, my baby. I know her to feel the utmost sense of the word emotion and I will not hold it against her to be like that, for I always have shown affection and appreciation that she could feel. But on this night, that seems to take a blow upon her, and of course it does pain me too.

On the other side, the apathetic parents that I have, which mostly revolves around my mother whom is old fashioned and strict, overly that suffocates me and I fear that one of these days I will have to stand up and voice out that I need my freedom to grow to become a better person, about the world. But I will not shelter her other half, my father whom has his own share of fault to which I say not only offended my special someone but me as well. His words, have left a trauma to her that I can not ease.

So please, given such ordeal. If anyone can hear me out there please help me what to do

To whom I concern myself with Part 1

Close your eyes so that I can whisper in your ears. The words that are ever so heart felt. All to whom are for you. To Whom I concern myself with. Can you move a little closer my Love? So that I could entangle my arms around you and hold you tight, then look your face, your lips, your eyes and every sight of you that I could ever have.

The 9th year of the second millennium

The 9th year of the second millennium, who would have thought I would make it in an almost sane manner. Although at times my hopes are down while looking at the wild, dim horizon. I look forward upon it with my family, friends and of course, my special someone and with that I wish all that who would read this all the luck, love and life to live by this year and all the years to come.

A fresh start, a new beginning, what more can anyone ask for but another chance. ^^

Decision

What will I decide, at times I feel on the top of the world and at times, I feel like the world is my burden. It's always about her. Always about what she feels and I feel like she don't even try to consider me and her mouth, God, here mouth will be of her undoing if she don't be prudent and get some little tact into herself. She seems not to see when and where to fight and where diplomacy should occur. I fear that all that she care about is herself. Even when at times it seems for other people in the end it seems it is still for her well being, so that she won't be criticize and won't be seen. Her subtle ways seems so annoying and greatly I don't like it. I don't know what to do with her.

Random Emotions

Daylight comes and passes by, and yet, I stay grounded unable to fly, alas time had its way on me, to look upon you and made me see. I guess what you mean to me, is more than I could ever show, and I'm afraid as each day pass, such feeling begun to grow, but I know deep inside, I am tainted, with the sins that I have committed, and fear grow too here and now, that again another one, in the list will be submitted, yet I can't walk away like I wanted to, and I also know, that I'm needing you. Now I realize whose saving who. Is it me or is it you. I've hold you close, without a word to say, i wish I can do this everyday. But the time will come when I have to go, and yet deep inside my feelings for you still grow. What pain is it, I will just given when I depart, or you must leave, I fear already that dreadful day, but I know it will come someday we will grieve. real life beckon so forcefully in me. Weighing me down before your eyes could see. and Yet, you still think highly of me. I blush as much as I could be. I want to be the heaven you have once fallen from, and put a smile on you instead of a frown. To hold you close in the middle of the night, to give you my warmth and spark of light. I want us to share the dreams that we had, and stick it out both good and bad. Yet I guess, we need to draw the line somewhere, We might fall too much, it would be so unfair. I confess its hard for me to stay inside the line, knowing your sweet words assure me to be fine. Yet what would happen if we fall too much. The pain will be great and more as such. Pray still that we would meet each other maybe on the next life, then again that's too much to ask, so pray then we live this one happily instead and that all our problems will be solved before we hit the bed.