Refresher

Ok so its been awhile. But I'm back and I'm back with much things to blog about. Well not really blog just to keep my mind a little bit sharper and less insane than it already is.

For now I will quote something from Dream of the Endless

"Your alive so you must live"

Retribution

You come and go as you please
But you left me hanging as you tease
For all you know is yours and fine
While I must set aside what is mine

You come and go as you like
While my short comings you strike
Each one and each more, you smirk
As you throw more and more dirt

You command and demand than care
And I'm not allowed to argue if I dare
You go now and belittle me
You just see, what you want to see

You just over look on what I have
To pull it down to your level and laugh
Someday I'll build my wall and armor
And you will do as you please no more

2 months

I'm planning for someone special and although it is 2 months from now, I already plan that far ahaed just for her. What I'm planning is to compile a 2 months worth of work starting right now.

"Sleep tight. July 13, 2009"

As you sleep my Love, I dream awake of you, peacefully floating off to the dream world.

July 26

but I see as well the perils we come across and though my heart pounds restless upon our meeting I feel the ache of our arguments and ordeals that we must face. Even a potion of uncertainty from ingredients of a cup of anxiety, a dash of jealousy, a sprinkle of the unknown and pinch of frustration from wanting each other badly.

Beyond Reach

Right now, all I hear is noise, all I can feel is tension and I am is a body full of stress in my eyes it can all be seen and felt but it is me right now. I don't expect anyone who can actually carry my load for it is given to me and to ask another is unfair as far as I'm concerned. But right now I shiver to all of its weight I feel cold right now. I feel alone. So I'm calling out, a little help from those who could give. I can not ask what can not be given so I ask what could be spared to me. I want to share this burden but I'm at a lost on how. It is too heavy, too private, too personal that I can't really be articulate on how to say it but I refuse to become out of reach, it is not too late for me, but I need help and right now I ask anyone who could..

Help me, please....

Direction

For now, Although some things are left unresolved it seems they will be soon and for all that it is worth, it is worthwhile knowing, believing and loving my special someone. Times goes by so fast when your late, in need of more time, and just having fun. But at the same time it goes cruelly in snail pace when your a prisoner of such. I do not have much time for now. Yet I will be able to go to whom I wanted to be. May my guard to one self prove stronger instead of weaker

Tired of being tried

With a heavy burden I take pity on my site, it seems that the only time I post here is to give off as much sadness and sorrow. I'm tired, damn it I'm really tired. I don't want to fight, I don't want to argue I don't want anything to do with fighting and arguing within this hectic world, even within my world, my life. I want to shed tears but I worry and fear that they have dried up and even if they didn't dry up I don't want another one to drop senselessly. I pray and ask for strength but it seems I'm still so fragile, within the twirls of up and down and all emotions. I am a prey of those I ask and trust so blindingly not to hurt me. But where am I right now, where am I, I am in the mercy of her hands that I feel so pathetic because it seems that she has the butterfly effect on me. A little flutter of her wings brings forth the hurricane in me. I don't want it anymore and I don't know if I should already give up and step away. I really don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to quit on her but she seems so keen and so easily ready to quit on me that every month I have to argue why we need to stay together again and again and again until I'm at ends wit. I need help I don't know what I should do. I feel so down I wish I know what I should do, and to have the resolve to do it.

Am I taken for granted? What should I do? A couple of days of nothing but a rain of sweet words " I Love You" and "I miss you" then followed by a tornado of " I hate you, lets break up because I just want it". What the hell should I do about something like this?!

I am lost

Dropping anvils

I breathe easy today as I know of the success that will come at hand, although this would be very short the battle was a long and struggling one. My heart could have shown its scars but I dare not bring about the list, and so:

STATUS REPORT: SUCCESS! CONGRATULATIONS

you can now get your 4 years worth of "paper"