Decision

What will I decide, at times I feel on the top of the world and at times, I feel like the world is my burden. It's always about her. Always about what she feels and I feel like she don't even try to consider me and her mouth, God, here mouth will be of her undoing if she don't be prudent and get some little tact into herself. She seems not to see when and where to fight and where diplomacy should occur. I fear that all that she care about is herself. Even when at times it seems for other people in the end it seems it is still for her well being, so that she won't be criticize and won't be seen. Her subtle ways seems so annoying and greatly I don't like it. I don't know what to do with her.

Random Emotions

Daylight comes and passes by, and yet, I stay grounded unable to fly, alas time had its way on me, to look upon you and made me see. I guess what you mean to me, is more than I could ever show, and I'm afraid as each day pass, such feeling begun to grow, but I know deep inside, I am tainted, with the sins that I have committed, and fear grow too here and now, that again another one, in the list will be submitted, yet I can't walk away like I wanted to, and I also know, that I'm needing you. Now I realize whose saving who. Is it me or is it you. I've hold you close, without a word to say, i wish I can do this everyday. But the time will come when I have to go, and yet deep inside my feelings for you still grow. What pain is it, I will just given when I depart, or you must leave, I fear already that dreadful day, but I know it will come someday we will grieve. real life beckon so forcefully in me. Weighing me down before your eyes could see. and Yet, you still think highly of me. I blush as much as I could be. I want to be the heaven you have once fallen from, and put a smile on you instead of a frown. To hold you close in the middle of the night, to give you my warmth and spark of light. I want us to share the dreams that we had, and stick it out both good and bad. Yet I guess, we need to draw the line somewhere, We might fall too much, it would be so unfair. I confess its hard for me to stay inside the line, knowing your sweet words assure me to be fine. Yet what would happen if we fall too much. The pain will be great and more as such. Pray still that we would meet each other maybe on the next life, then again that's too much to ask, so pray then we live this one happily instead and that all our problems will be solved before we hit the bed.

Concentrate!

It seem that I can't concentrate anymore, maybe she is affecting me more than I should affect her or in this case the power of our influence. Maybe her influence in me is getting stronger and stronger that at times I'm actually copying her behavior. Yes, I'm starting to notice that and I need immediate actions if I'm really determine to graduating on time. There are so many things that I need to do but I have so little time left. Not to mention the fact that every time I try to do somethng I end up doing something else. I am so tempted on other things that it seems that I lose the sense of urgency inside of me. At times I am so frustrated in myself because I think I'm loosing control. But I cannot let it happen anymore. I just cannot! i have so many things to do. But at the same time I want to be with her. I don't know. But I guess I have to sacriface right now for our future. The two of us. It can not be help, me wanting to be with her but at the same time I have to make room for myself. If I don't do that I will lose myself and her maybe in the process. I have to be firm from now on. I need to see her less. I know, I'll try to make it up to her some way but for the time being, I guess I need to do what needs to be done.

Fatique

I sigh right now, of all the things that I carry in me. The things that I have to understand and the things that is out of my reach. But the irony of it is, for this is not a something but of someone. I am a mess right now, for it seems that the confussion is twirling around me and the chaos is consuming me and all that is around me. I feel the diziness from all of the concerns that tries to put me off guard and let me slip from my foothold. I am bruised and battered one way or another. Every step a takes seems to lead me to more trouble and pain. But even with a hundred gallons of blood and tears are shed, I would not falter. I cannot and would not do as such. My reasons out done everything else and I will keep what I promise, for I would not make another one to anyone any more. I haved decided already, that even with the fatique in me, wheather or not the second wind touches me. I will be there, beside whom I want to be. Only such wish of her, will I try to follow.

Tired

I feel tired, irritated and exhausted right now. I guess I'm feeling that emptiness that creeps on me. I don't know, maybe she have forgotten again that I am a human being, that I too needs to be loved and cared for. I do love her, but in the process I find myself empty. I cannot ask her to love me, to care for me and give affection. For, all of it is always up to her. I wish I could say to her the line in grey's anatomy " Choose me, Pick Me, Love Me", but I cannot. I do not have the words in me to say that to her because I cannot demand that from anybody or anyone. I guess she is busy with all her things. I try to understand that but I too am busy but I always make time for her. I feel that my purpose is just to collect dust and catch each and every tears that ever dropped in this world. I feel drowning already. If that would be my purpose, then who would catch my tears as they fall. I fall all alone again. I was touched, hugged, and kissed. But I asked to be cared for. I miss that. I feel lifeless again. The only thing that made me feel that I live not only exist is of love and affection. I wish I have that. I feel tired so very tired already. Every breathe seems to be chore right now. I wish she would know this things without me telling her I wish that she knew so badly that I need want to shout till I cannot shout anymore. But I can't I wasn't given that priviledge anymore.

Difference

Right now, nothing would be the same. What could it have been that made me feel this way I can't say but things are so different now. I feel like I've matured and gone down all at the same time. What difference would be made after being here , in this situation? I guess the only needed difference is that I've learned something worth the pain that will be inflicted.

nothing

I have a writer's block right now... so I got nothing