Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Tired of being tried

With a heavy burden I take pity on my site, it seems that the only time I post here is to give off as much sadness and sorrow. I'm tired, damn it I'm really tired. I don't want to fight, I don't want to argue I don't want anything to do with fighting and arguing within this hectic world, even within my world, my life. I want to shed tears but I worry and fear that they have dried up and even if they didn't dry up I don't want another one to drop senselessly. I pray and ask for strength but it seems I'm still so fragile, within the twirls of up and down and all emotions. I am a prey of those I ask and trust so blindingly not to hurt me. But where am I right now, where am I, I am in the mercy of her hands that I feel so pathetic because it seems that she has the butterfly effect on me. A little flutter of her wings brings forth the hurricane in me. I don't want it anymore and I don't know if I should already give up and step away. I really don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to quit on her but she seems so keen and so easily ready to quit on me that every month I have to argue why we need to stay together again and again and again until I'm at ends wit. I need help I don't know what I should do. I feel so down I wish I know what I should do, and to have the resolve to do it.

Am I taken for granted? What should I do? A couple of days of nothing but a rain of sweet words " I Love You" and "I miss you" then followed by a tornado of " I hate you, lets break up because I just want it". What the hell should I do about something like this?!

I am lost

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